Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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