dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize