you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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