The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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