shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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