i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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