my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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