the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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