No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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