Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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