I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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