is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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