fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I am morally bankrupt
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You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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