he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize