Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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