I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize