how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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