you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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