Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize