I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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