Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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