those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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