How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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