How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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