My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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