just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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