He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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