i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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