an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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