i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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