i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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