My balls are so social today.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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