Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize