I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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