There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize