dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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