I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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