If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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