dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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