omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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