why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize