I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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