this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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