Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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