my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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