Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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