So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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