I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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