All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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