Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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